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WORKSHOPS
AND CLASSES
"AUTHENTIC EROS:
body sex spirit explorations for men"
A workshop for gay men facilitated by Kai
Ehrhardt and Don Shewey
May 5-8, 2011: Authentic Eros at Easton Mountain -- click here
for details.
August 20-21, 2011: Authentic Eros in New York City -- click here for
details.
October 27-30, 2011: Advanced Authentic Eros at Easton Mountain -- click here
for details.
ALSO:
September 23-26, 2011: Bodyworkers in Touch, a retreat for gay male
bodyworkers co-facilitated by Robert Bruillard, Don Shewey, and Robert
Wolf at Easton Mountain -- click here
for details.
October 1-8, 2011: Exploring Sensual Bologna, a week-long program in Italy for gay men facilitated by Don Shewey and John
Ballew, produced by Il Chiostro --
click here
for details.
"Men
in Touch: Sensual Massage for Couples"
A one-day class taught by Don Shewey
IN THE NEWS
I'm now available for individual sessions via Skype. (Skype is a computer
program that allows for free telephone calls and video conferencing
worldwide via the Internet. You can download the program free here.)
I've experimented with it and have found it a successful and valuable way
of working with people who don't live in New York City. Obviously, there's
no substitute for face-to-face hands-on healing work. But I find that
Skype turns out to be a perfectly useful way to engage in long-distance
coaching and counseling on a short-term or long-term basis. If you're
interested, write me or phone me and we can discuss the logistics.
***
My article "Daddy/Boy: Love, Power, and Masculinity" has just
been published online at Daily.Gay.com. It begins: "Of all the
role-playing scenarios that excite the gay male imagination (master/slave,
coach/athlete, cop/civilian, doctor/patient), none is more potent than
daddy/boy. The energy that gets activated between two men in this scene is
so deep, profound, and erotic that we can only call it mythological. The
interplay of strong, protective daddy with adoring, obedient boy uniquely
combines love, power, and masculinity in a way that Carl Jung, visiting
his local leather bar, would call archetypal, meaning that it goes with
the territory of being human. It’s not that everybody is turned on by
daddy/boy fantasies, but we can all locate ourselves along the spectrum of
being, having, or wanting a good Daddy. What does it mean to engage in
daddy/boy fantasies? And how does that dynamic play itself out in gay male
relationships? As a psychotherapist who mainly works with single gay men
and couples, I can make a few observations...." To read the entire
article on Gay.com (no charge), go here,
or you can read it on my writing archive here.
Daily.Gay.com also published an article by me called "Getting to the
Bottom of It," which addresses the conflicts some gay men have about
anal sex -- wanting it but feeling shame or inhibition about having it. It
begins: "Bottoming is theoretically one of the prime joys of a gay
man’s sex life. And it’s true that for some it’s the center of their
erotic universe. To them, anal sex is the epitome of 'going all the way,'
the top prize when it comes to intimate companionship. In reality, though,
anyone honestly investigating the relationship between men and their bums
will quickly discover that, in Facebook parlance, 'it’s complicated....
Bottoming brings up deeply held, often unexamined attitudes about gender
roles, power, desire, being gay, and being yourself. What stops men from
embracing the pleasure of bottoming almost always has to do with the
personal meaning one attaches to the experience." You can read the
entire article online here.
***
In the last year, I've been interviewed several times by Harry Faddis on
his radio show "The Quest of Life," broadcast live from WRPI-FM
in Troy, NY. These interviews are available for streaming online or for
downloading as podcasts. They are:
"Pornography
and Its Influence on Gay Male Culture"
"Social
Networking and the Promise of Online Culture"
"Get
a Life -- an Inner Life, That Is: Spiritual Practice for Gay Men"
"ASK DON"
Q: Who says just because I don't like anal sex I have to feel ashamed of
myself as a gay man?
A: Certainly not me! If it doesn't feel good, don't do it --
that would be my rule of thumb under any circumstances. Life's too short
to endure anything that doesn't feel good, in the sexual arena. Plenty of
gay men don't enjoy anal sex for one reason or another. Plenty of gay men
are exclusively into oral sex, or mutual masturbation, or frottage.
Indeed, there seems to be a whole movement afoot to promote frottage as an
alternative to the perception (promoted by a lot of gay pornography) that
gay sex = anal sex, and that you're either a top or a bottom, period. I
personally don't think it's necessary to condemn someone else's sexual
pleasure in order to value your own. But I'm intrigued by sites such as http://heroichomosex.com
that offer a nuanced consideration of the variations of frottage -- this
realm seems to be a refuge for a lot of men who feel alienated by other
depictions of gay male eroticism.
If you have further
questions or responses, feel free to contact me here.
Posted July 8,
2010
Previous
columns have dealt with questions like: "Am I sexually
compulsive?" "How can I prolong arousal without ejaculating
faster than I want to?" "How can I prepare my body to enjoy anal
sex?" "I have difficulty ejaculating with a partner -- what can
I do?" "How can I deal with performance anxiety?"
"What can I do about a friend who is addicted to fetish sex?"
"Can you help me work through my recovery from prostate cancer
treatment?" "How does erotic mentoring work?"
"How can I deal with my extreme fear of contracting HIV from sexual
contact?" and "What if I prefer cuddling to
genital sex?" You can read my answers by clicking here.
Have a question
for Don? Email him here.
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